Before I go to bed...

Every night at about 9pm, I'm lying on the couch either watching sky news, or a real housewives or SVU episode I have recorded earlier.

Every night, I think I need to go to bed earlier because I wake up tired every morning.

Every night I lie on the couch willing myself to get up and go to bed and read one of the many books on my bedside table.

Often, I have my ancient cat curled up with me, but she is usually, sensibly, asleep already.





So by the time 10pm comes around, I am REALLY tired. So I get up to go to bed.

To do this I walk past the kitchen and put a few more dishes in the dishwasher. Then I fill the detergent holder with detergent and turn it on. Then I notice something else that needs to go in and open up the dishwasher squash it in and turn it back on.

Then I remember the dumb but gorgeous dog who I take outside to urinate (I trained him to do this on command - the neighbours love hearing me call out 'wee wee quickly' in that weird high pitched voice reserved by humans when speaking to their pets. The dumb but gorgeous dog has to find the perfect spot to go to the toilet so sometimes this takes quite a few minutes.

Then I think I'll put a load of washing on, programming the washing machine to come on at 5am so that it can be hung out first thing in the morning. This involves gathering up the detritus left by the children in their part of the house, rummaging through school bags for dirty socks. While rummaging I will invariably find a school note requiring me to fill out a permission slip, and write a cheque.

I will then turn off all the lights left on by the children, and lock the doors after programming the washing machine.

Then I go into the study to write that cheque and quickly check emails. Ten minutes later after trawling through 50 shopping alerts I will find the three relevant emails and deal with them, and turn the computer off.

I put my heat pack in the microwave for 2.5 minutes to put behind my aching neck while I go to sleep.

Finally I make it to the bathroom, clean my teeth and remember to take my anti anxiety medication. What I don't do, is wash my face and put on my expensive anti wrinkle serum and moisturiser. This could be the most important thing I should do.

Just as I climb into bed and turn the light off (no time now to read my book), I will hear The Lawyer coming into the bedroom, having just arisen from the couch, saying he is tired and might go to bed.

AMFYOYO


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