I am constantly fascinated by people (usually male partners, usually childless) who object so strenuously to female staff taking maternity leave – the cost, the inconvenience, the fact that ‘they’re not the same after they have a baby’. Well no, they are usually more efficient and less likely to be willing to take crap dished out to them on the basis that their bullshit tolerance is much lower. No one really objects to men taking parental leave – that only ever lasts about a week and they are put up on a pedestal as being so supportive and referred to as ‘babysitting’ their own offspring, although to be fair, that most often comes from their own mothers thereby making their daughters-in-law contemplate violence. But I digress.
Take the following exchange as an example of the fierce objection to mat leave. There I was having a relatively quiet and calm day (always the precursor to a disaster) when an email popped up from one of the less evolved male partners:
Dear M
why do I have to keep paying for these women to take maternity leave and inconvenience my practice? When do i get to take a similar amount of leave and have the firm pay me to take the leave?
Victor
Thinking he was joking and up for a bit of playful banter (silly, optimistic me) I responded as follows:
Dear Victor,
you seem to be under the misapprehension that maternity leave is a holiday and that the staff who have babies are taking this time off from their careers to sit by the pool, sipping cocktails before going inside the house to watch ‘Sex and the City’ reruns on Fox and have lunch with the girls. I imagine that if you were given the opportunity to take three months off work to look after a new born baby you would run screaming in the opposite direction.
regards
M
Apparently he was not joking.
M
typical bloody HR and feminist response. I am serious. Where is my reward for NOT having children?
Victor
Now one thing you don't want to do is get me riled up with a jurassic era response like this.
Dear Victor
You may not feel rewarded, but we, and i mean everyone in your world, are eternally grateful you have not procreated. Your reward I thought was obvious. Your career and meteoric rise through the partnership ranks, have been unimpeded by having had children and therefore not had the need to take time out from your career to care for the little blighters. This means that you are entitled to long service leave after only 5 years of partnership so that you can swan around the Riviera, sipping expensive champagne, without having to worry about who is looking after the precious ankle biters back at home. THAT is your reward. Oh along with not having to deal with pelvic floor problems later in life, saving all that money on school fees, and being able to lavish all that attention on your Rottweiler.
regards
M
I resisted the urge to go all out and ask why no-one ever asks a man how he combines his career and parenthood, or why leaving the office early on a Friday afternoon to go surfing is seen as good work/life balance but leaving to pick the kids up from soccer practice is not being committed to the job.
Victor never responded in writing to my last email but I told he admired my feistiness. And I lived in hope that he would become a single father.
AMFYOYO
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