Wednesday, August 15, 2012

My dad heads into his 10th decade

My DOD (dear old dad) turned 90 last week. 90!!!!!




He was born in 1922 (obviously), the eldest of three sons born to his parents in central Queensland. His father was an Anglican priest, who served for 60 years in the one Diocese.


DOD was born between two world wars. He has lived through a depression, and a world war. He was in training in Brisbane when much to his commanding officer's chagrin, he was excused to go back to work at the commonwealth bank where he had been working, largely because of his expert maths brain.

He has seen the decline of modern civilisation as we know it, with the introduction of computers and automated customer service answering machines. Note to insurance companies and government agencies - it is really hard for old people to negotiate listening to instructions and either having to press 1 or 2, or say in a few words what they are calling about. It sucks for middle aged people, so near impossible for a 90 year old.

He himself became a priest, much to my grandparents delight, and just recently celebrated his own 60 years' service to the Anglican church.

He has experienced all the joys and sorrows of life - he and mum were married for 56 years when she died suddenly and unexpectedly two years ago. She was 10 years younger than dad. Their first child was stillborn, something my mother never recovered from, nor I suspect him. They had three healthy children, and nine grandchildren. He was and still is estranged from one of his brothers who withdrew from the family after his marriage, another sorrow.





That's me the really cute, little one, on daddy's lap.

Being a priest he has shared the joys and sorrows of his parishioners and friends as well, officiating at many marriages, baptisms and funerals, and providing support and faith when needed.

But first and foremost he was our Dad.

'Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Dad'


He taught us to read, play cards, play scrabble, other board games, the importance of family and to treat others well. And the art of delayed gratification - we were not allowed to open our Christmas presents until after we had been to church on Christmas Day.



He lived a life of service to others, yet we children were a priority. We didn't realise it at the time, but we were so lucky to have a dad who worked from home. As a parish priest, his office was at home. He didn't spend all his time in his office of course, but many times I came home from school and had afternoon tea in the office. Mum never worked until we started high school and even then was always home in the afternoons. Dad set very high standards - grammar and punctuation were and still are very important. Many a time he wrote letters to our teachers correcting THEIR spelling or grammar (oh the embarrassment). Our education was an absolute priority and we never took it for granted.

Very high standards were also set for our behaviour. Sometimes it was tough having to live up to his expectations as well as those of the parishioners. I am the youngest. Dad often introduced me to people as his youngest and naughtiest, with just a little hint of pride in his voice - I always seemed to be in trouble for something and if I wasn't enjoying chocolate cake and milk after school in the office I was being sent in there for a stern lecture for some transgression.

Most importantly we children always knew that mum and dad were a united front. It was never any use trying to get one to agree to something the other had refused. They backed each other up, and if they had any battles or difficulties in their marriage we never knew of it. Money was scarce, and yet we never really wanted for anything - unlike my own children and their friends in this generation who are horrified not to have the latest iPhone. I recall my mother telling a friend in my last term of school that she was going to treat herself to a new dress after many years of nothing new to wear.

Although he 'retired' more than 20 years ago he still attends church every Sunday and special saints days, and never in the congregation. He is always in the sanctuary participating in the service in some way. He will officiate at the wedding of one of his grandsons in December this year.

I am sure I have been a disappointment to him by not attending church regularly, but he would never tell me that. I know he prays for me. I attend church every now and then, more out of a sense of obligation than faith, but it makes him happy. He has never shown anything but love to all of us so it is a small thing to do. And seeing his absolute faith in God especially since Mum died, has been of enormous comfort to me and my siblings.

Since mum died, he has been amazing. It was a terrible time, and yet, also the best of times. My brother and sister and our children all gathered around. He was never alone for a moment that first 10 days, and there was a lot of laughter as well as tears that week. It was natural for us to do this and yet I see or hear of so many elderly people who are alone or lonely but with family nearby. He and his cat Oscar adjusted to a new life alone, then moved house after a few months to live closer to me ( now living in his own home at the end of my street rather than a 50 minute drive away).




He manages pretty much everything on his own other than his evening meal. In 56 years of marriage he didn't really cook a meal other than sausages and eggs, so I now conduct my own 'meals on heels' delivery service or he eats with us. My boys put the bins down, and we run errands when needs be. When he goes to stay with my sister a couple of times a year, we feed the gorgeous Oscar twice a day, and DOD worries about him being lonely. If it is raining on a Tuesday which is his washing day I do his laundry (routine is important). I have introduced him to Foxtel, and Foxtel IQ. sometimes I have to remind him how to do the new tricks this old dog has learnt but that's OK. Most importantly, I see him almost every day, and if I don't see him, we talk every day. Most days, we engage in a card game called cribbage.




He delights in winning and delights even more in winning by a large margin. His laugh, even at my expense, makes me happy. I lose on average two games out of three. I'm keeping score (competitiveness one other thing we learnt).

I feel so privileged to be able to spend all this time with him. Even though he is eternally optimistic, happy, and quick to overcome obstacles, I would do everything for him if he was cantankerous, grouchy and ungrateful. Because he's my Dad.

And I hope he gets to celebrate many more birthdays.







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