So this happened to me today

This morning, I got up nice and early to do some fulfilling chores - you know, unstuck the dishwasher, two loads of washing, feed the animals etc, took Harry to school, dropped off the dry cleaning and I was at the gym by 8.30, knowing I would be done by 9.30 and be able to get some 'work' done.  In a desperate attempt to lose the remaining two kilos of the three I added to my frame in a recent trip to France I have been exercising a lot, have not had an alcoholic drink for more than a week and before that only on weekends,  and have  reduced food intake.  It shits me that it only takes three weeks to put on three kilos but at this rate will take 6 months to take off.  Once I lose those two kilos, I still have to lose the two I wanted to lose BEFORE we went to France.


My gym gear is a little bit tighter than usual, as is to be expected.  So after the gym (thighs burning, heart racing, face red) I popped into the local jewellery store to look at some lapis lazuli to enquire about them making a bracelet to replace the one I lost recently. I hadn't been into the store for some time. As I walked in, the proprietor, with whom I am on first name terms, greeted me warmly and said, in a very loud voice ' I can see you're back from your trip to France' while patting her stomach. 

FML

Men say the stupidest things

I have lost a lot of weight in recent times. I had put on a lot of weight over a period of years but having put on 12kilos in three years and then losing 21 in 8 months I was pretty damned pleased with myself. The only down side was the fact that when overweight I had developed a cleavage and it quickly disappeared with the weight loss.

Standing naked in the bathroom one day I mentioned to my current spouse that it was a shame the weight loss had resulted in very little breasts. Without looking up, he said:

'hmmm...and at your age gravity isn't helping either'

Men say the stupidest things sometime. And then they wonder why they are not getting much sex